Cataracts Age 4

Small Back-story....

Last week, Ashton's Pre-K program director at the most fabulous children's learning center shared with me that Ashton had failed his eye exam and needed to follow up with  his pediatrician. I like many mothers of a 4 year old sweet boy asked if he was trying or just being, well.... silly. She said they had done two screenings and felt the results were possibly valid.

So, I called my mom who is retired and asked her if she would pick him up from school and take him by the pediatrician to check out his eyes again. They went and my mom called me later and said he was definitely struggling to see, so the pediatrician referred us to a pediatric optometrist. We got the appointment for yesterday, and my mom decided to meet me there to help us pick out glasses.

In the meanwhile, I went around feeling like an awful mom who did not even notice her child was struggling to see. I was scared about the changes glasses would bring to his little life. Would he break them? Would other kids make fun of him? How would it affect his self-esteem?

Tuesday came to meet the pediatric optometrist and I had already done all the research for what kind of glasses we would need. We filled out the paper work, waited in the waiting room, went back and had the assistant check out his vision. I was saddened by how little he was able to see. Then the doctor came in and ran some of the same tests. They dilated his eyes which took 2 rounds. Ashton was very upset with me for holding him down to have drops that sting placed in his eyes.

When the doctor came back, he looked in his eyes and said, "o' god... it's cataracts... nuclear cataracts." My heart racing I pulled out my phone and googled nuclear cataracts. Then the doctor peered in his left eye and said, "Nuclear cataracts in his left eye as well." Before my phone could load enough for me to read to begin asking questions the doctor had me come over and he showed me how cloudy his lenses were. Ashton sat there so well as my eyes were trying to summarize what I was seeing to share with his father. My heart felt like it weighed a million pounds and it sunk into my stomach.

The doctor explained to me that nuclear meant in the center of his eyes and it was something very rare we would have to see a specialist for. He confirmed surgery should be able to correct his vision and referred us to the best doctor in the nation who happens to be out of the Dallas area.

My mom and dad had planned to take Ashton to the zoo because it was such a lovely day and they headed out on their adventure. As I walked out to my car to head back to work, my hands trembling, my stomach in my throat, I picked up the phone and called Phillip. My heart was racing to share the heavy news I had just received and knowing how sad he would feel for not going. I told him Ashton had cataracts and we had to see a pediatric cataract specialist. I cannot imagine how he felt in that moment, but we stayed focused to develop a plan of action to gain back Ashton's vision. We called the pediatric cataract specialist office and now have an appointment for Tuesday at 1:30. I spent the rest of my day researching everything I could find to gain an explanation 

After work, I went by and picked up Ashton from my parent's house on the way home. So eager to see my "happy face" as Phillip has always referred to him. He loves to hold me so close. He squeezed my neck as I entered the door and wrapped his legs around me. He did not want me to put him down. 

As we left my parent's house and headed home I told him how proud I was of his behavior at the doctors office today. He told me how excited he was to not need glasses. And I explained to him that he was not able to see very well and we would have to see another doctor who could fix his eyes.

Once we got home, he let me play "what can I see" games. The answer is not very much. How did I, his mom, not know he could see barely anything? I'm not exactly sure except that he is very smart and remembers everything. I discovered he cannot see colors very well. When I pointed out to him that he was not right on some colors, he said he could not tell. I told him the doctor we are going to see next week should be able to help him see his colors. He said, "like when I was 3?" I told him yes and he was very excited.I told him he would be able to see me again. He said he remembered how pretty I was. Tears just ran down my face. I just want my baby to be able to see. Oh, how desperately I want him to enjoy a life where he can see me and play like any little boy.

It is hard for me to imagine what it is like to live in his world right now. Now I understand why he likes to be so close to me, why he sits so close to the TV, why he doesn't enjoy playing with toys or reading and why he is so afraid of the dark.

In the meanwhile, I am resting in Isiah 41:10 (Msg)
"Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."